Flirting – Getting and Showing Interest
You’re hanging out at a party when, out of nowhere, you suddenly notice someone standing close to you. In fact, you realize he or she keeps turning up nearby, trying to catch your eye. The two of you start talking and your new friend smiles, laughs, finds excuses to touch you and holds your gaze. This person is clearly flirting with you. How do you know? Because, although you may not realize it, you are already an expert in flirting and body language.
What would dating be without flirting? Flirting is fun, it signals that we’re interested in someone and it initiates most successful relationships. Flirting means giving someone your full attention; it means smiling, touching and playing. In the right circumstances, it is a powerful tool. In the wrong circumstances, it can lead to embarrassment and be a complete turn off.
For most people, flirting comes naturally. Many forms of flirting are simply outgrowths of the way you behave when you meet someone you really like and are interested in having a romantic relationship with. However, some flirting is more subtle, making it hard to tell whether you’re reading something that’s not there into an interaction simply because you want the other person to flirt with you.
For these reasons, it’s useful to examine some of the key indicators of flirting, which can prove extremely helpful when trying to figure out if the person across the table is interested in you – and help you express your interest in them!
- Prolonged eye contact
- Dilated pupils
- Arched eyebrows
- Rapid eye movement and blinking
- Stroking or toying with hair
- Licking of lips
- Touching the lips or teeth with tongue
- Thrusting chest or breasts outward
- Mirroring or copying posture
- Crossing legs
- Leaning inward
- Open-legged posture
- Any form of touching
- Playing with hands
- Fidgeting nervously
- Shy avoidance of eye contact
- Standing on one leg or shifting weight back and forth
- Personal questions, especially about relationship status
- Singling someone out in a group for conversation and questions
However you flirt, keep in mind that flirting should indicate your interest in getting to know someone — in a polite, respectful and tactful way. Using cheesy pickup lines, being too aggressive, touching inappropriately or being in any way vulgar or rude will get you not only turned down but also probably slapped. Flirting is designed to make the person you’re flirting with feel attractive and special, not intimidated.
Once you’ve established that someone is flirting with you – or your own flirting has gotten a positive response – it’s time to start thinking about how to propose a first date. Mutual flirting of the type listed above usually means the other person is interested in getting to know you better. However, be wary of people who are flirtatious, even though they’re in committed relationships. Some people either can’t help being flirty, have an open relationship or simply don’t care whether their partner is hurt by their behavior. While it can be tempting to flirt with this kind of person — particularly if they’re attractive, interesting and initiate the flirting – keep in mind that the point of flirting is to show interest in someone you’d like to get to know better, and people who’re already attached to someone else are off limits.
Being confident about your flirting is the best way to make sure it is well-received. Nothing is sexier than confidence – nothing, that is, except someone who knows how to flirt effectively. Now get out there and start smiling!